i have told her indirectly how i feel. in a msn conversation, real life. questions. what i've said. many many! i dropped hints and stuff. but she doesn't get how i feel.there are alot of things i want to tell her. but she dont seem to receive anything.

it's not about love that i want to say. but how i feel. she's my closest friend. but does she understand me? there are two sides of me. i admit im' not that simple to understand. but she've known me for years. i hope she understands me. really. i feel that i really need her.

we've been through many things i must say, she helped me alot. well but now, she weren't there when i needed her.. she felt what i was saying not important, when i was saying something i really meant. i'm sure she's not aware of this i guess. thats why i've been trying to tell her. there's a conversation i said alot of things that i want her to know how i feel. told her to save the conversation if she wanted and that what i want to tell her is in that conversation. but she said forget about it lah. heh. that was.. GG.

she felt down. and she blogged about it. many people comforted her. sent her emails. talk to her on msn.. i felt really happy for her. cause many of her friends cared so much for her. then i started to think. what about me? last time i did that. no one said anything. i removed my blog then.

i feel really out right now. really really out. like.. i'm an outcast. apart from everyone else. tell me why. i dont know why. it's like.. everyone is either 'there' or 'there'. no such thing as 'here'. no one is with me. i feel... lonely.

when school terms starts.. i dont think i'l be seeing everyone anymore. especially the JC people. when i help a friend to give them songs.. or fix com or something. they say.." i needa go out with my grp of friends.. it's probably the last time i go out with them" well it's fine with me they needa go out. np. but.. as for me.. do i even have that last time where i go out with my friends? am i.. secluded?

oh well.