im damn stressed out. i need a break.

im so sad. my orange asics gel ds trainer 13 size 10 1/2 got stolen. sigh. it's out of production now since ds trainer 14 is out. im searching high and low for my orange asics gel ds trainer 13 size 10 or 10.5 BUT i've yet to find one. sigh. well for those who actually reads this, the picture is below. i'l miss you flame orange pair of beautiful shoes, we've been through many kilometers together, blood sweat tears and aircon.

it's been awhile. it's the hardest thing i ever have to do.im trying, give me some credit. im trying to keep our close, if it's still is, friendship alive.
i guess my appetite's coming back. i spoke to a few close friends, one thing i've learnt, is that i still have my friends standing up for me, protecting me. i went to gym recently, started off with running on the threadmill. did weights and all, and ended with another run. this time, my chest felt pain, probably excruciating, like a stone in my upper right chest, with my lungs over 'expanding' hitting each other (it's kind of normal when you fail to breathe correctly during exercise), this is when my instructor instincts kick in and tell me to stop. but i didn't, i kept running anyway, i felt, good, i was enjoying the pain.

have i mentioned? since recently i have nothing to do, no one to take my time, im considering going back to the boys' brigade company and serve as an officer. well, i don't get it, when im there for people, they feel bad taking up my time, but the thing is, they don't understand how i feel, and also, I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO, literally.

so please, call me, whenever you need someone, or when you don't have a reason to. i mean it =) the people who reads this blog, are probably only those very close to me, i don't want to lose any of you, definitely.

i just want to hug someone, to know that everything's going to be okay.

hmm, thank you everyone, for everything. being there for me and all, it means alot to me so yep, THANK YOU. i dont know what i am without you, my friends. i havent had much appetite yet, like owner, like dog. lana haven't been eating much lately too. a full moon, the last time i saw that was, west coast park. how i miss those times.

and now im going back to the stars.

okay, here's a little rage. i dont know what you're up to. i don't know what you're thinking. you said this. but you don't seem to. how i feel right now, a burden. i feel like a burden to the people around me. it's like how i wasted so much of their time you know. all the time spent, sleep deprivations , trouble caused. im sorry, and also, thankful. i never gave much thought to how i would die, but to die in place of someone/people i love, would be very much satisfying. to give Divine Intervention

here's a song ck sent me a few days ago.

I can wait forever - Simple Plan
You look so beautiful today
When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away
So I try to find the words that I could say
I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away
And I can't lie
Every time I leave my heart turns gray
And I want to come back home to see your face
And I
Cause I just can't take it

Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But I can wait
I can wait forever
When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it won't stop bleeding
But I can wait
I can wait forever

You look so beautiful today
It's like every time I turn around I see your face
The thing I miss the most is waking up next to you
When I look into your eyes, man I wish that I could stay
And I can't lie
But every time I leave my heart turns gray
And I want to come back home to see your face
And I
Cause I just can't take it

Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But I can wait
I can wait forever
When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it won't stop bleeding
But I can wait
I can wait
I can wait forever

I know it feels like forever
I guess that's just the price I gotta pay
But when I come back home to feel your touch
Makes it better
Till that day
There's nothing else that I can do
And I just can't take it
(I just can't take it)

Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But I can wait
I can wait forever (I can wait forever)
When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it won't stop bleeding
But I can wait (I can wait)
I can wait
I can wait forever
I can wait forever
I can wait forever...

life would be so damn interesting if i had H1N1. most of me wants it. hmm. my life is like greyscale now, more of black actually. i need some colours. speaking of which, hmm. i think my body's shutting down on me. something really rare, once in a blue moon thing, the impossible happened. i'm actually falling sick, I AM ACTUALLY FALLING SICK? im quite shocked myself okay, like traumatised. IM FALLING SICK, TO A COLD! a cold heh. what a miracle. 10,000 people probably prayed together for me to get a cold.

the back of my head suddenly became really itchy. maybe it just because i rest on old pillows. but after shower, shampooing my hair twice, it's still itchy. what if there's worms in my head (happened somewhere in the world before). what if, my time has come. for me to leave this world. my life would get really interesting. colours, red.

my life is so boring. i do absolutely nothing. i go to school, do my tutorials, go home, rot and play games. and the cycle repeats. im' tired of living, not that i want to die, i dont. but if it comes my way, my will of living isnt that strong either. hmm.. my schedule's really EMPTY. im just helping whoever that needs help. ANYTHING.

totally random point. Blizzard (top game-making company that made world of warcraft) is damn lame. look at this, it's actually a spell in wow. Swine Flu