not proud of this, but i just recalled last night in a vivid dream about a few near deaths experiences of mine which occured quite some time back. it's not good. for everyone out there, who thinks going near death/death without a just cause, is cool, hell it isn't.

near death doesn't change anything. but death changes everything.
- someone.

today i was required to write an essay, reflections on the national museum tour which led me think, generally, about my own life. reflecting about my thoughts, what do others mean to me and what i am to others. you understand how all of us think ALL THE TIME, either trivial or significant but we're figuring things out all the time. or well, most of us.

when a good friend needs assistance, may be a bad quarrel and need a chill out, to fetching some panadols, i'll want to do all i can in my power to help you, if i can't then get someone who can, just at the very least, a little gratitude would be nice. on a separate note, as much as possible, i try to tell a friend, thanks, you're a great friend, but well, i don't say these words. i'l try to do so in actions, i believe just words are superficial if one can't prove it. of course, i may have neglected someone unintentionally, i'm truly apologetic, please tell me, one way or another.

i'm sure everyone has heard of, friends being friendly with you for your assets and/or connections, not for you. it's rather cliched but even at this age, i think i'm experiencing that. i'm not trying to brag here, i don't mind driving people around, even if its a little out of my way, or having a tad much cash for being a regular at this age. thing is, friends, am i all thats worth? or are you genuine.

i wonder, how much do friends mean to other friends. how important are they to you?

those who lose dreaming, are lost.
- someone.

sometimes i have no idea what's going on in the minds of people, as much as i try to read and understand them. these days, i kept making everyday deductions using the aid of mathematical equations, and it seemed weird after realising that.

in an unrelated point, it's mind-boggling to solve the mysteries of relationships between friends. one moment they're expressing jubilee in one's company, the next moment they stop responding to small but significant virtual chats. i don't understand. my air force friends don't believe in platonic relationships between two close friends of the opposite gender, contrary to what i believe and practice. why is that?

most of us can, as we choose, make of this world either a palace, or a prison.
- John Lubbock