i've been feeling drained and exhausted lately. BUT a little bit of enthusiasm and excitement. waking up early in the morning to head to changi for work is no problem. here's the breakdown of my time awake everyday. 70% work. 3% travel. 3% dinner. 3-6% talking to my mum. 3% preparing for sleep. 3% exercise. 12-15% miscellaneous. that means 12-15% of my time awake for myself and everything else, using the computer, research, lana.

im starting to feel the downside of having a driving license and not hate driving. im ashamed to say that im a chauffeur. since my mum hates driving, she's making me fetch her to and fro everywhere hahaha. my sis from the airport, dad to this-this place which i can't say, government buildings. i don't like driving when the people in my car is whining. at times i just want to park my car at the side of the road, walk off and take the bus. you didn't know that.

so work's been alright, sometimes fun, sometimes weary (because there's nothing to do) and i can't afford to have my boss catch me falling asleep. last weekend got to be my busiest one. although my friday was somewhat, disappointing. there's something about sunday, for a very long time i tasted the whopper burger, due to cash flow problems i couldn't afford the double whopper.

the last time i almost fell asleep at the wheel was, months ago from East Coast Park towards tuas. i fell asleep on the wheel yesterday. to work AND from work, i was just too exhausted. while on the expressway early in the morning i missed the side barrier by about 15cm (a short ruler) at about 120km/hr, my cruising speed as i struggled to keep my eyes open. while driving home, again at the same speed almost traded paint with the car on my left, on correction i almost hit the speed camera (coincidentally the speed camera). but no matter, nothing happened.

i'm getting a salary, i gave it all to my mum.

i'm saving money, as much as i can.

i'm very arrogant, when it comes to driving.

i'm not appreciating my car, because its limit is too easy.

i want a strawberry shortcake.

i'm looking forward to meeting the little kiddies, they're all busy with their J1 stuffs though.

and lastly, i'm getting my own car. it's not confirmed yet. although i found it.

i want to give blood. but my spectator is, ambiguous, God knows what she's thinking.

i say some girls are faggots. fun, fickle-minded, cheerful, indecisive, oxymoronic.

and on that bomb shell it's time to end. see you soon.

coming to you at 6.57am. i'm just preparing for work. God was trying to tell me something. I had three dreams last night, and all of them was had me getting into an accident. it gets exciting. to whom it may concern: i don't care anymore. thats it. thats the last straw.

it's nice driving towards the sunrise. who would like to go sunrise/sunset hunting with me?

today, i feel happy, just today, i was queuing up patiently to transfer money at an ATM machine. this tourist, withdrew about at least a whopping thousand bucks, took out his card, and walked off, he didn't even take his cash. the stack of fifty dollar notes was really THICK! as soon as i realised the enormous stack of cash, i called out to him "EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME!", and there was no response, he continued walking. i ran up to him, tapped his shoulder and received a suspicious greeting, "yes?", "sir you left your cash at the ATM machine", still disorientated, "sorry, what?", after repeating myself i led him back to the ATM machine where jiayi was, guarding the cash. STILL confused, he took the cash, and was literally stunned. he stood there for awhile, trying to process what happened.

Oh thanks, thanks, thank you very much guys. still looking all shocked and surprised, he gave his thanks repeatedly. "oh wow, two young teenagers at night just returned me my stack of cash." (it was VERY VERY thick mind you.) im sure he has a good impression on singapore now. and man, i feel so good, it's better than the moment i held my DSLR in my hands, better than getting my computer. never felt so good for a very long time. definitely better than receiving twice that amount of money. next time, be honest, return what's not yours, and you'l be rewarded many times over, like i did. =) the feeling is really damn good.

I'm leaving you
I'm not sure if that’s what I should do
It hurts so bad
I'm wanting you but can't go back
Trying to find, to find
That all elusive piece of mind
Stuck here somehow
Shrouded beneath my fear
And now I don’t need it

Cuz I'm walkin down this road alone and figured all I'm thinking bout is you, is you my love
And my head is in a cloud of rain and the world it seems so far away and I'm just waiting for
The droplets, droplets

You left a mark
I wear it proudly on my chest
Above my heart Above my heart
To Remind me that I feel the best
When I'm with you When I'm with you
To me everything is effortless
You know it's true
My eyes are painted with regret and I don’t need it

Cuz I'm walkin down this road alone and figured all I'm thinking bout is you, is you my love
And my head is in a cloud of rain and the world it seems so far away and I'm just waiting to fall and sink into your tears
You are like the raindrops, the raindrops falling down on me

You left a mark you left a mark
She left a mark he left
She left he left
And I don’t I don’t
Need it. Need it

- Colbie Caillat's raindrops, featuring jason reeves.

But I can't keep on running
No I just can't keep on running away from here
I know that the only way to be is to fight my every fear
I'm not going to make it 'til I turn around and face it alone, I know
I can't just keep running, no I just can't keep on running away
So it stop today

So here I am, I'm taking my first step
Thought I was losing balance but I caught myself
I kind of like the challenge, no I don't need help
I'm going to make it past the very start
It's always been my hardest part

But I, I, I, I, I'm going to stay in control
I must admit this crutch is getting old
I am going to throw it out of my hand
I'm finally here, I understand
I know I'll get there on my own

So I can't keep on running
No I just can't keep on running away from here
I know that the only way to be is fighting my every fear
I'm not going to make it 'til I turn around and face it alone, I know
That I can't keep running, no I just can't keep on running away
So it stop today

You can hide from all the pain
But it will find you anyway
Yes, I know, now I know

- Colbie Caillat's It Stops Today

and thats coming from a rocket science student. people, look. why is everyone thinking im some blithering idiot trying to kill himself. I AM NOT. and i don't want to die, thats for sure. i still want to fly in an aircraft, raise a family, race in cars and earn a few unique achievements. that being said, i know what i want, do you? well, you should start on a quest to find your goal in life, or god's goal in life, or both.

im utterly disappointed with myself, or rather, my body. it appears, and i say this regrettably, is not invincible. just recently, after a chain of taxing tasks and activities on my back, it failed on me. now my back is in a ridiculously uncomfortable but not painful state. it's been a week. but no matter, im still alive and kicking. im not going to die, neither do i want to, hear me people, i do not wish to die. so you'l probably be thinking that im contradicting myself. with my current driving/biking mentality, something will happen to me, like a toe in my eyeball or something, it's just a matter of time, yes, but that won't be death, and im going to walk it off like nothing happened.

my friends asked me, "why are you going so fast, do you ever think that your wheels gonna come off when you corner, or when you're flying off your bike and hit your head or something" no, not really, i don't think of such things, i dont exactly have the problem of fearing my car or bike is gonna come apart.

i want to be a racing driver. not really the F1 type, but the one with exotic coupes such as the entry-level rx-8, the all rounded audi R8, and the world's fastest 4 door saloon the nissan GTR. something like that. the whole world thinks im a silly nonsensical lunatic. you have seen nothing yet!

you know when you're biking, and say it's raining heavily and you're going downhill on the rocks and all. it feels very good, it's thrilling. and liang fu kept screaming "DOWNHILL, BRAKE! SLOW DOWN! i dont wanna die." and i'l be screaming " OH YEAH, THIS IS THE SHIT! LETS GO LETS GO LETS GO!" when you crash, it feels good you know im not kidding. when you know when you're about to crash it actually is quite exciting when you're flying off your bike, the initial part though. and then it dawns on me that "oh crap it's gonna hurt" then pooff bam, ouch, and thhen you laugh! and on that bombshell, im ending here.